Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Life is so much better after having sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
