I'm lost and stupid without you.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize