please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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