The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize