last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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