Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
