I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize