she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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