he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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