Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
