im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
