I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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