well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
