I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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