just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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