I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
