If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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