We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
