i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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