it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
