i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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