I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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