My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
