I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
