OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
