I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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