My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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