You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize