Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
