Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need water and some morals
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
