You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
