did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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