The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
