I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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