Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
