She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
BRING THE BAGELS
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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