You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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