my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
