How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
