dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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