He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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