I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
worst night to have a conscience
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
