How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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