If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
