You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
