How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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