He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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