He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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