the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
