people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
