That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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