I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
