I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
