fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
