Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
