i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
