if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
