I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
