Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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