i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
