Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
