Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
