all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
