i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
