I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
