i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
