dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
