When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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