drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just want to make out with him forever
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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