ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
third nipple confirmed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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