I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
